Mumblings of a Muddled Mind

I like to write about what matters to me and to raise awareness for mental health. I suffer from mental illness but that does not define who I am.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Holy Eff.

Up until Friday I have been in a program and away from home since November 4th. Didn't have much access to the Internet.

The program I was in was a medical detox for my use of clonazepam. Apparently it's a bad thing to be on that for 5 years straight and 10 years in total. Who knew. It's amazing though. I feel much brighter in the brain and my husband says I no longer look like a deer caught in headlights. I guess that's a compliment eh? lol!

I have also resumed going to AA in my time away. I forgot how important it was really. The Alcoholic in me decided that I could somehow control my drinking. HAHA, little frigger. It's really a tricky thing to deal with. I mean I was drinking way too much near the end of going into the program again. At first, when I started to drink I could have three beers and stop. It just got worse as I went on.

Now I am 100% clean and sober and I am loving it. I no longer have major anxiety issues about wondering what the hell I did the night before and I am spending way less. I am not hungover at all anymore. It makes me shake my head with wonder when I think of all the times I tortured myself with booze and how I would feel the next day.

Anyway. I am now living back in the city and my daughter is going back to her old school. She is extremely happy about this. She has some old friends in her class and she is picking up the french where she left off. Bonus.

Christmas is coming up and I have NO idea what I want nor do I know what to get people. I know what I would like to get my daughter and I do have an idea for Jobthingy and I think she may know too. lol..At least from where it will come. heh.

Speaking of which, I have begun writing reviews for a lovely website called If you are looking for ways to spice up your sex life, it's a great community and store where you can read personal reviews on products to get a better idea of what you want and if it is any good or not. It pretty much takes all of the guesswork out of buying toys blind. If you decide to place an order you can use my discount code and save 15% off your final bill. The code is: P13 and I would be greatly appretiative if you used it. :D

My dad is not doing so great unfortunately. I have no idea what is going on with him as I am getting mixed messages about his condition. He tells me that he's going to die but when I asked the nurse last night, he said that wasn't true. I was told I couldn't be told much about what is going on though because I am not power of attorney. WTF. What ever happened to being family? Anyway, I am not happy about this but I can't do anything about it apparently. He was SO messed up on the drugs they are giving him that he was hallucinating. He was also mumbling inchoherently and was saying some really weird shit. I could hardly get a straight answer out of him and it's just sad to see really.

Anyway, that is enough rambling for me right now.